Bacon
by BlackRoseSpirit
Summary: Toon Link finds out where bacon comes from.
**WARNINGS: Scarring someone for life. Also, if you are vegetarian or whatnot, please don't be offended. Also, rather long authors note at the end (sorry).**

 **Bacon**

Sunlight filtered through the blinds, casting the outlines of pigs on to a pig-themed blanket which covered a Tri-force duvet cover as an alarm clock went off. The sleeping figure stirred and lazily reached to cease the bellowing oinking coming from his pig-shaped alarm clock. This figure was none other than (you guessed it) Toon Link.

Toon Link stretched and hopped off of his bed and was greeted with his ninety-percent pig-themed room. As Toon Link continued with his morning routine, he took the usual time to admire the pig mural covering his walls, the stained-glass pigs on his windows, his blinds, which had pigs of different sizes cut out of the fabric, the large pink pig-shaped rug covering his floor, the light on his ceiling, which was encased in the transparent glass figure of a pig (in all honesty, it looked like a random pig was stuck to his ceiling, but Toon Link didn't care) his piggy night-light and finally his most prized possessions, his collection of piggy banks. Toon Link's piggy banks were stood neatly on a large shelf in height order and if two pigs were the same height, they were arranged alphabetically. The numerous piggy banks stood proud and had not a speck of dust on them, no one dared to touch his piggy banks in fear of certain doom.

Yes, Toon Link's room was pig-themed and the only thing really that wasn't pig-themed was a normal, wooden cupboard in the corner, which housed the shards of late piggy banks. He had run out of rupees at the time and couldn't afford another pig themed cupboard. He had already spent all of his rupees on their funerals. 'R.I.P Jeremiah I-Hate-Link Pigs-Are-Awesome Oliver Spatula Pig Cow Glitter Hylia Johnny Potato-Chip Salad the First' thought Toon Link.

After making sure everything was in order Toon Link left to go and feed Rupee, his pet pig, which he had been let keep on the basis that Crazy Hand got to try on his hat once a week.

Toon Link fed Rupee only the highest quality food, a.k.a. vegetables stolen from Peach's vegetable patch. Rupee snorted at Toon Link somewhat mockingly as he arrived at her pen.

"Hey, it wasn't my fault that I ran through some brambles on my way out of the big empty courtyard. I am too young to die via Peach catching me with her prize turnips!" countered Toon Link, dumping the turnips into Rupee's feeding trough, Rupee sniffed them and began eating, suddenly, she looked up and slowly backed away in fear.

"TOON LINK!" shrieked an unmistakably Peach-y voice behind him, " ARE YOU FEE-"

"Hey, hey, not in front of the pi-" interrupted Toon Link, he was cut off when a blunt surface made contact with his face, he landed in a heap some distance away from Peach,"Heyyyy that was totally uncalled for," whined Toon Link a few seconds before he ran for his life, quite literally.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"So Pac-Man that is the exact explanation as to why _I_ am the fastes-" Sonic was cut off by a sudden gush of wind, caused by a passing Toon Link, a few picoseconds later a blazing trail and a blur of pink followed him.

"Waka waka?"

"Damn it! Yes that was Peach Pac-Man..."

"Waka waka waka?"

" No, I am not as fast as an angry Peach Pac-man..." pointed Sonic.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Toon Link hyperventilated as quietly as he could, checking around the corner to see if the coast was clear of any signs of Peach

"Hi, Toon Link," greeted Lucas with a smile,

"Hey" replied Toon Link, placing his plate on the table and hopping on to the bench. Lucas looked at his plate strangely.

"Is that...bacon, Toon Link?" he asked unsurely. Toon Link nodded in reply and then gave him a look asking, 'Why is there a problem?'

"Oh! No! I just thought that ...never mind"

They continued to eat in a comfortable silence. The sound of the large doors opening echoed off the walls, Lucas looked over and perked up a bit at the sight of Ness.

"Hey guys!" greeted Ness, "did you know that an angry Peach is fa-"

Suddenly, Ness frowned, looking at Toon Link's plate, "Toon Link, is that...bacon?"

Toon Link nodded enthusiastically, he tried to reply but his mouth was full of bacon, Ness looked at him questioningly as Toon Link,

"Yeah! I LOVE bacon!" he exclaimed, "It tastes so nice and don't you guys think that the flavour goes absolutely perfectly with mayonnaise and spaghetti?" finished Toon Link grinning, he didn't notice Ness and Lucas's mildly disgusted expressions.

"Toony, you do know where bacon comes from right?" Ness questioned reluctantly, trying not to sound suspicious. Toon Link looked at Ness innocently, expecting an answer," Uhh, well ya see, bac- OW!"

Lucas glared daggers at him with a look that radiated, 'Don't. You. Even. Dare,' as he put away said rope snake.

 **-CRASH!-**

There was the sound of rubble falling as Crazy Hand burst through the wall, striking some sort of pose before speaking,

"LADIES, GENTLEMEN, PRINCESSES, PSYCHICS, SWORDSMEN, gender bends, acquaintances, robots, anthropomorphic yellow turtles, plumbers, dinosaurs, dogs, ducks, POKÉMON AND ANY OTHER ANTHROPOMORPHIC ENTITIES! I HAVE MADE MY GRAND ENTRANCE!" they bellowed before floating over to loom over Ness. Ness looked up at it and was caught off guard as he was sent flying in a swift motion from Crazy Hand, "Ness, rule number 7,954,378,953,759 of the Smash Mansion Handbook of Rules for Fighters, 'No harm must come to the brick in the top left corner of the courtyard'...filler...filler...filler"

 **-2 hours later-**

"Filler...filler, you will not scar the minds of others...Ness? Ness? NESS? NESS?! Why couldn't you wait just a second before flying through that hole in the wall? You were only going at about 2 miles per picosecond."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Fighters were making their way out of through the halls for training, Toon Link a few paces ahead of Lucas and a slightly bruised and peeved Ness.

"So, do you think he knows where bacon comes from?" Lucas whispered.

"No. Otherwise he wouldn't eat it," stated Ness bluntly.

"I can't believe Toony was eating bacon."

"WHAAAAATTTT?!" shrieked Link, "TOON LINK EATS BACON, LE GASP!"

"Shhhhh! Link!" silenced Lucas

Ness and Link argued a bit before Lucas finally told them both to shut it.

"Yes, but I cannot believe Toony does NOT know that BACON. COMES. FROM. A. PIG!"

Silence fell on the whole hall like an avalanche, Toon Link paused mid-step and you could hear the colour draining from his face.

"Link!" whisper-shout-exclaimed Lucas uncharacteristically. By now, all pigment in Toon Link's face was gone. Lucas was about to go over to him, but the task was made difficult as Toon Link ran down the hall screaming like a 5 year old girl.

This continued for the next few days, resulting in Falco having his brains shaken out (almost) and many sleepless nights. Surprisingly, Toon Link still had vocal chords after this.

Many a smasher had valiantly tried to stop the loud assault on everyone's ears...or ear cavities...or whatever some smashers used to hear, but the onslaught proved to be overwhelming. Another surprising thing was that Toon Link had not passed out from lack of oxygen, in fact, he only stopped to breathe once every five days. He even shrieked when he fed Rupee.

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"...oon Link...Toon Link...TOON Link! TOON LINK WAKE UP!"

Toon Link shot up, alarmed, in his pig themed bedroom, "Oh thank Hylia that was just a dream!" he thanked, rubbing his head.

"Finally, you're awake!" exclaimed Lucas," you missed breakfast!"

" Mmhmm," agreed Ness, "You passed out after fifteen days of screaming after Link told you where bacon comes from," he finished smiling.

To say the least, half the mansion was gone after the next fifteen days, from both Toon Link screaming, and Crazy Hand punishing Ness.

 **Hello! ^.^ I'm not dead. Sorry there hasn't been much activity here for a very long while, part of it is because I changed schools and also because I've been lazy.**

 **I will say this now and acknowledge the fact that I am the** _ **worst**_ **person for updating, which I am really sorry for. I can't say really when there will be another update for Ike's Cooking Show unfortunately, there was meant to be another chapter at Christmas, but I hit writers block after the first paragraph. You see my inspiration comes in blips...or when I'm hyper. Anyway, this short fic was a blip of inspiration, and I felt the need to give you, as readers, something. Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed this. I'd love to receive reviews, if you've got time.**

 **(Ok I'll stop now)**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **-BlackRoseSpirit**


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